if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this will be a night to untag.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
