we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
