no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
