Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
