I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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