i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
