Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
