Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
