I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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