i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
