The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
