we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
