Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
