we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
