Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
