Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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