census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
