Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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