You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
