So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
