is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
