how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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