I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
