i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
