sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
