If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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