his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
