i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And then he peed in my hair
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