My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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