Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
