Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
