i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
