I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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