I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
