I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
