"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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