I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
