I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
