he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
