I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
