she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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