the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
