Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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