The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
