Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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