I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
