Can i not drive my cunt home
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
