fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
