Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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