I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
